This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
