I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My penis needs a shock collar
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
