There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
