I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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