When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
birth control should be required to get into college
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
