He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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