my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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