We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
