I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
its liver damage thursday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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