She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
