i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
