When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize