He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize