if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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