I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my liver is dry heaving
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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