he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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