when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize