FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
