how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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