Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
