before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
