Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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