you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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