If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
