With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
