i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My life is pants optional.
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