he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
