Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
