Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
