Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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