Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
