this just has baby written all over it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
