i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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