Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
