Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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