Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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