I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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