i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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