If that was your dad, he is hot
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
