i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
