im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
