I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
