its not stalking. its research.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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