my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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