He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
