I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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