He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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