I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He? As in you personified your dick?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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