I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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