please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The ass gains better be worth it
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