just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
