I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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