I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
