we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
