Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
