so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
