"it" just moved
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize