You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
