great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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