idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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