Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
