I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
