quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
