im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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