If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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