so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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