Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
