Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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