the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
