She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
