is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
