How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
