I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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