she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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