Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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