Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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