I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had sex on a roof
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
