What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
